by DJ Schofield |
Last Updated:January 25, 2017 The other day I was reading a book (I know, a rare occurrence) called “The One Thing” By Gary Keller. A book that I 100% recommend to anyone… so good! Anyway, one interesting part it had was explaining what a “victim” is and how they think. It is only about a two to three page section of the book, but it is a part that really stuck out to me. So I wanted to elaborate on the idea and throw in my two-cents.
DISCLAIMER: This article is strictly about a “victim mentality” or a mindset of being a victim. I am aware that people are physically, emotionally, and mentally every day. This is NOT what I am referring to; that’s for a completely different talk. For more details, check them out.
So everyone faces trials and tribulations throughout their life. Most even go through them daily. So each day you wake up you have the choice of being a victim or, as Keller says, “you have the choice to be accountable.” When life is thrown at you whether you are accountable or a victim (unaccountable) is the difference between achieving your dreams and not.
Let me make it clear that being accountable or a victim is nothing more than a habit. No one is born with a “victim” mindset (I’ll call it a victim mindset from here on to avoid confusion.) You have a choice each day to be accountable or not… The one you do repeatedly overtime is what creates stronger neural connections and results in a habit.
Ok, my psychology rant is over… In this article you will see how each of the things mentioned go together and piggyback off each other. So here are the five things that lead to being a “victim” or unaccountable.
Avoids Reality
Avoiding reality is to not look for an answer. Usually the best way to get an answer is to ask a question. The beginning stage of being a victim is to brush it off and not question the problem or life event you have encountered.
The number one reason for avoiding reality is because of fear. Let’s be honest, that stupid “f“ word is the root of many problems. Holding yourself accountable would be to seek the problem, acknowledge it, and own it.
Fights Reality
This is essentially saying “that’s not how I see it.” This isn’t referring to a belief or opinion but fighting against your reality. This may be a sensitive example for some but in MOST cases your body type or overall health (athletic, skinny, fat, etc.) is a direct representation of the food you eat and amount you exercise. Yes, I know this doesn’t hold true for EVERY situation. But, unless you have a health condition or some other implication this will hold true.
A victim would say, “I’m fat because my parents are fat.” Yes, you’re pre-exposed to certain biological factors. However, just because your parents are overweight does not mean you have to be.
The opposite side of fighting reality is “acknowledging reality.” An accountable person will begin by noticing reality, taking it for what it is, and figuring out a solution. Using the example above, an overweight person may say “man, I’m over weight. My diet has sucked in the past. What can I do to fix it?” Then take ACTION.
Blames
This one is pretty self-explanatory, BUT one of the most prominent parts of the victim mentality (I can’t decide if this or excuses is worse?!) Blaming other people or things for your certain situation or problem is an expedited, one-way ticket to the victim mentality. Please just stop. In nearly every circumstance, blaming something other than yourself is a victim mentality. It gets absolutely nothing accomplished.
Some example of “blames” I frequently hear:
“My parents didn’t pay for my college so I didn’t go to college and that’s why I don’t have a job.”
“I am overweight because I can’t afford a gym membership.”
Contrary to blaming is “owning it.” The quote Keller uses is “if it’s to be, it’s up to me!” So instead of blaming your parents for not going to college and blaming college for not having a job you may say “I couldn’t go to college but I’m going to go out and find a mentor that can teach me the things I need to know in order to get XYZ job.”
In the second blaming example, instead of blaming your economic status on being overweight, go outside and run. Embarrassed of running outside? Do sit-ups and pushups in your room. Run up and down the stairs in your apartment… be creative. I’m sure you can come up with 25 ways to be active without spending a penny.
Personal Excuses
Oh man, I’m about to throw this laptop across Cool Beanz just reading that stupid word. Excuses are something that piss me off, probably, more than anything else. Besides Chic-Fil-A being closed on Sunday haha.
Excuses range from saying why you can’t do something to why you shouldn’t be doing something. “I can’t get an A on that test.” “That’s not my job.” Any of these variations are excuses. The problem I have with excuses is there is always something you can do, instead of make the excuse. It is the roots of having a “victim mentality.”
You can’t get an A on a test? Study more. That’s not your job? Do it yourself or inform the person whose job it is that they need to do it. This example seems to always pop up with the smallest of “jobs” though. I remember when I was a kid someone would leave an item on the floor and when my parents told me to pick it up I would respond, “it’s not mine.” Good thing they quickly put an end to this or I probably wouldn’t be too fond of myself today.
Waits & Hopes
Being passive is the best way to describe this part. It is waiting on life to happen to you. Hoping that a situation turns out the way you want. Isn’t it strange how people who work hard on focused tasks seem to have more luck than the lazy, unfocused individual? Quit waiting and hoping that something happens. Instead, go out and make something happen.
Wishful thinking is the easy way out… the lazy man’s way of approach life. Be like Marshawn Lynch, “Bout that action, boss.” Yeah, you probably want skittles now too haha. Hopefully you won’t sit around and hope skittles fall out of the sky and actually drive to a gas station and get some.
Wrapping it up
The final thing I will say about changing from a victim mindset to an accountability mindset is to find an “accountability partner.” Dr. Gail Matthew’s research shows that individuals with written goals were 39.5 percent more likely to succeed. A step further, individuals who wrote their goals and sent progress reports to friends were 76.7 percent more likely to achieve them.
I can already hear someone asking the question, “well what if I can’t find an accountability partner?” Ask a parent, sibling, friend, or professor. One of them have to agree. Heck, if nothing else, post your goals on Facebook and your goal progress. If you don’t want to do that, contact me and I will do it. You have no excuse.
Please leave your comments and questions below! Don’t be shy… and go check out the book The One Thing By Gary Keller. I promise you’ll like it.