by DJ Schofield |
Last Updated:October 10, 2016 “Being single sucks.” It’s something I hear all the time. Most of the time it’s girls but GUYS say and feel the same things. I searched on Google for about 30 minutes trying to find just ONE article written by a guy about being single. I’m sure you can guess how that turned out… anyway, why is that?
I don’t think it has anything to do with guys not worrying as much, not disliking it as much, or not feeling lonely. I think it has to do with guys being less vulnerable than girls. Guys are told they have to keep a “tough guy” image. While portraying this image, all we’re doing is bottling up emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
I used to be exactly like this. I wanted to be seen as a bad ass. I thought showing emotions, caring for someone, having thoughtful conversations, or having feelings for someone was all sissy stuff. Guys didn’t do those type of things. But as I’ve grown up I’ve learned this simply isn’t true.
In this article, I’m going to do my best to explain what it’s like inside the brain of a guy (at least inside my brain haha) who has been single for over three years. I think many people will be able relate and hopefully it will help someone during their season of singleness.
Wanting a Relationship for the Wrong Reason
I have come across three terrible reasons for wanting a relationship during my single days that really stick out to me. They may also be the most common among others as well. These include “loneliness,” “unhappiness,” and “finding someone to complete you.”
“Loneliness”
I think this is usually the first reason that arises while being single. Especially if you just got out of a long relationship… or any relationship for that matter. The idea of always having someone there for you and the many habits formed during a relationship make withdrawals difficult for many.
I don’t exactly remember if I felt this after my previous relationship (it was three years ago give me a break.) But I do know that over the past three years I felt very lonely at times. It may suck at the moment… but this is where you REALLY need to keep your eyes open and be consciously aware of your decisions.
Many times when guys or girls are lonely it leaves them vulnerable to unacceptable behavior from friends, family, and partners. The worst thing you can do is jump into a relationship because you’re feeling lonely. Even jumping into a friendship because you’re feeling lonely can be bad.
I’ve done this before and when I look back this is how every bad influence in my life came to existence. I was feeling lonely, ignored my standards because I felt accepted, and later find out that they’re a terrible influence.
“Unhappiness”
Singleness is a great time to learn how to make yourself happy. Learn the things you like to do and the things that make you happy. Like to work out? Go work out with a friend. Like to read? Go find a great book and discuss it with a friend or group. Like to go bowling? Go bowling with friends. The more you stay busy and do things that make you happy the less you will be unhappy (it’s #science.)
Counter to this, when you begin looking for someone to fulfill your happiness you begin spinning in circles and continually being let down. The problem is when you don’t know how to make yourself happy it’s very difficult to make another person happy. I think happiness is contagious. I know you have friends that when you’re around them you’re just happy. It’s because they are happy people and it works the same with a relationship.
I’ve learned that when you can’t make yourself happy first in any type of relationship it will make you feel like you’re not good enough. We’ve all had this feeling and it sucks. It will also make you come off as desperate to others. So learn to love yourself and be happy!
“Finding someone to complete you”
This phrase is always tossed around and I hate it. I think it’s a terrible way to look at a relationship and I did it for a little while. The problem with it is a relationship isn’t about completing each other. It is about doing life together. It’s about the experiences you have and continually striving to improve each other, collectively.
Not being ready
Improving yourself should always be something you strive for. Whether it is improving your career, fitness (#gainz), or any other aspect of your life you should always be bettering yourself. I always work so hard and try to be the best person I can because I want to be the best damn husband for the most deserving girl. Everything I do is for my future wife and kids… I believe they deserve the best.
However, I think you shouldn’t have an end goal to improving yourself. For instance, I shouldn’t be striving to get to a certain point and once I get to that point I am then ready for a relationship. Instead, I am continually improving myself because I want to be ready when God places that special person in my life. I’m using “Ready” in an objective way meaning when God sees I am ready is when he will reveal this person. Or maybe I am destined to be single? This is fine also because either way I will have the ability to make myself happy and have trust in God’s plan.
The Freedom to Do What You Want
Yeah, being able to talk to who you want and go on dates with whoever you want can be awesome. But when I say having the freedom to do what you want I mean something else. I mean being able to wake up Saturday morning and say “I feel like going hiking today.” Then calling a friend up and going on a hike.
Yes, this is possible with a relationship but many times this must be planned in advance and who has time for planning. The ability to be spontaneous nearly every day is one of the things I love the most about being single. I don’t have to worry about what another person is doing. Even having the ability to go do things by yourself is enjoyable.
Go ahead and tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you’re heading up to the mountains to go hiking by yourself… guarantee you this will probably raise a bunch of questions. Why? Because that’s kind of weird to do when you’re in a relationship. When you’re single it just doesn’t matter. You can go do anything you want, whenever you want.
I Like to Work
I’m not sure how relatable this will be to people but I have an obsession with work (maybe you have another obsession or passion.) Nearly every person I come across doesn’t fully understand the fact that I actually like work. I get a natural high from working hard and seeing the final product or seeing the work finally begin to pay off. However, this means that I’m not always available.
In today’s society, especially with the technology, it seems like people in a relationship have to be in contact throughout the day. I’m not about this and don’t like it. If we text all day, then when we hangout what the heck are we going to talk about? I think this goes back to trying to complete each other instead of doing life together.
I feel like each person in a relationship should have something they are passionate about and love to do. This allows you both to live independent lives while still doing life together. It is what I think holds a relationship together instead of being attached at the hip at all times. Maybe I’m just crazy.
Snapchat May Have Something to do With it…
If you have a strange obsession with an awesome song and post it on snapchat everyday this may have a negative effect on your relationship status also. Hey, this can go back to the whole freedom thing of being single. I don’t have anyone to tell me to stop posting stupid videos on snapchat (or on my blog), and I’m cool with that! See, there are positives of being single… life is about the little things!
Final Thoughts
I think the key to loving the single life is not stressing, living life, and always improving yourself. Quit worrying about when you will find your boyfriend and girlfriend and just live. Life is short, so why waste these awesome years worrying?
Every season in life happens for a reason, whether you’re single or not go out and make yourself a better person and love life. Go meet some new friends, join a new group, start a new hobby. Whatever it may be, I guarantee that you can make the single life fun if you allow it to be.
What do you think about the single life? Tell me in the comments!