by DJ Schofield | Last Updated:February 20, 2024

Rat Race: a way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for wealth or power.

You’ve heard of “the rat race.” Probably referring to work, corporate jobs, or life in general. Dating apps have become a part of this rat race.

You meet someone on a dating app, go on a date (or a few dates) then boom, you never hear from them again. Or maybe they’re respectful and send you a text saying, “I’m not feeling it,” or “I don’t see this working out.”

So what gives? What’s the issue? Are dating apps just a waste of time? Are they made to hold our attention, give us validation, and continue swiping?

It seems that many people casually swipe. Whether it is to validate their ego, get attention, figure out what they want, or hook up.

At the same time, some people on these apps know what they want and what they’re looking for.

That leaves us with two types of people: Casual and Intentional.

Casual VS Intentional Swipers

Casual and intentional swipers, at their core, are opposites. Neither is necessarily right or wrong. It’s nothing more than a lifestyle choice. How do you want to live, and what do you want?

The push and pull of these two forces create and sustain what I call The Dating App Rat Race.

Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. They’re all the same at their core. And they all have these two types of people.

Casual Swipers

Casual swipers aren’t sure what they’re looking for. They’re still figuring it out. Maybe even figuring themselves out. Or maybe they have it figured out. They know what they want, including casually swiping, having casual dates/relationships, and maybe even casual sex.

Intentional Swipers

The intentional swiper knows what they want. Whether they want a long-term relationship, marriage, sex, or whatever else you can conjure up.

Intentional doesn’t mean good. It means doing something on purpose.

Casual and Intentional Worlds Collide

Casual and intentional worlds colliding is precisely that… a collision. If not an immediate collision, a fast track to destruction.

If one person knows what they want, they see a future, and the other person is casually getting to know someone, not sure where to go or where it will end, it won’t work.

Intentionality is a two-way street. It must go both ways, and the intentions must be aligned from the beginning.

Dating App Addiction

At the end of the day, dating apps are no different than social media networks. Their goal (like any other app) is to keep you on it. Keep you swiping. Attention equals dollars in this economy.

You’re given just enough hope of finding someone that you’re convinced to try premium subscriptions. Sad, but this is the reality of the dating app’s business model. Unfortunately, at their core, they don’t care if you find someone… after all, if you find someone, you’re no longer swiping (hopefully not) and not subscribing… aka no more money for dating apps.

But then you meet someone you like… now what? Should you get off the apps? Should you keep swiping in case it doesn’t work out? Gotta have a plan B!

When to get off dating apps?

You go on a first date with someone… it goes well. Now what? Obviously, plan the second date! But what about the dating apps? To swipe or not to swipe… that is the question.

I’ve done both several times. I’ve continued swiping at times, and I’ve deleted the apps after a first date.

In my experience, continuing to swipe is a recipe for disaster. You’re lukewarm. You’re distracted.

Relationships take 100% from both parties.

How to get off dating apps?

Simple, delete the apps.

But seriously, it’s a commitment. If you’re committed to a person, you’re committed to deleting the apps. They go hand in hand… at least in my mind.

In reality, getting off the apps isn’t always easy, at least early in a relationship.

The problem: dating apps literally make the world your oyster. You can find anyone and anything you’re looking for, in theory. The world is at your fingertips.

What if there’s someone better out there? What if there’s someone with a better personality? More aligned morals? Better looking?

The truth is, there is ALWAYS someone “better” out there. There’s always someone funnier, richer, better looking, and so on.

Nobody’s perfect. Some are just closer to it than others. What are your expectations?

The Grass is Always Greener

Blame it on dating apps or blame it on social media… I don’t care. Truthfully, it’s probably a little of both. However, our view of expectations has drastically changed. Not only have they changed, but in my opinion, they’ve changed for the worse.

Unrealistic expectations are a trap. Potentially a delusional trap.

“The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” In 2023 mentality, yes, it is. The grass is always greener is a mindset shift that has slowly infiltrated our society.

The divorce rate is up, ghosting is up, and job turnover is up. And why is this the case? Because we have been taught to believe that the “grass is always greener.” But is it?

Maybe.

You’ll never know till you know.

All We Can Do

So what does this all mean? Well, it proves that we are adaptable creatures that always need a challenge to remain interested.

This is especially true when we have a massive elephant in the room that is difficult to resist and only a click away.

This elephant is a bit more of a lion creating tons of destruction. Dating apps become more popular each year, people become more lonely each year, and divorce rates remain at an all-time high. All the while, dating apps are raking in higher revenues than ever before.

Make it make sense.

I digress…

The only thing we can do is:

1) Communicate openly and vulnerably

2) Respect people and their time

3) Get rid of dating apps and get out there and be somebody in real life